Let me tell you about a book I bought about 3 years ago. First, let me tell you how I discovered the book.
In my research of my family tree, my Scottish line goes back to the Farquharson Clan. So, one day, I googled Farquharson. I came across this book on eBay - Olde Charlie Farquharson's Testament. From the description in the listing, I could only decipher that it was the Bible as if written phonetically by (IF you can figure out what some of the words should be!), what we here in the United States would refer to as "hillybillies", but because the author, Don Harron, is Canadian, it would be as if written by the Scottish who immigrated to Parry Sound.
I have to tell you, that while reading the King James Bible, often it is like reading Shakespeare - you are not sure exactly what a sentence means.
However, if you can make out what the words should be, then you will be in for a real treat. This is the best "Plain English" Bible I have ever seen, all the while providing a real chuckle due to the manner of vernacular.
Let me provide you with some examples from the book which I will follow up with the translated version.
The First Book of Moeziz, called Jennysez
1 At the start there wasn't a thing. That'd be yer Void.
2 Dark too, Absoloot kayoss. So God decided to do something about it.
The First Book of Moses, called Genesis
1 In the beginning God created heaven, and earth.
2 And the earth was void and empty, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the spirit of God moved over the waters.
The way it is worded about Adam and Eve being created and then committing the first sin is hysterical.
Here are the 10 Commandments!
1 No God but me. (FOOTNOTE: He is not jist Chareman of the Board, He is It.)
2 No cravin' imedges, or Idle Dollatry.
3 No taking My name in vane.
4 Nothin' on Sundys allowed but the Sabbith. Six days on, one day off.
5 No sassin yer pairnts.
6 No kilin.
7 No Adult follin' around.
8 No stealin.
9 No brakin' oafs or lyin' in cort.
10 Hands off yer Naber's everything.
Here are the rest of the names of the books of the Old Testament (I don't think I need to translate them for you!):
Exxodustthe illustration is captioned as
"Dan Yell joins the Lyin's Club"
Then the books of
Sams, Proverbs, Cleazy Astys and Songa Salomon
are cut very short and condensed thus
These books is all fulla poetry. Even tho it don't rime it is luvly in itself and don't need enny help from enybuddy.
It goes on and list names of Biblical characters (even this was hard for me to figure out), but it ends up saying
No matter what ther name is, everyone of them profits seems to tell the people the same thing:
YER DOIN' IT ALL RONG!!!
Charlie Farquharson is a character that Don Harron (a stage actor as well as an author) portrayed often. He also wrote more Charlie Farquharson books. So the pictures/illustrations of the Charlie Farquharson in each of the books is actually Don Harron.
There are Gustave Dore illustrations (the same ones illustrated in many Bibles), but with one little twist. Somewhere in the illustrations you will find Charlie Farquharson.
I would read the book during my lunch or break at work. As I began reading the book, I realized just how much I was enjoying it. The book is small, so I could have read it in an hour. However, I really wanted to savor it. So I read it in small pieces.
The humor is not to be believed. It is not humor just for the sake of humor. It is actually the Parry Sound translated Bible. I would read a bit and just break out into a loud laugh. After a couple of days, everyone was aware of what I was reading and everytime I would laugh, they wanted me to read what it was that made me laugh.
I bought about 10 more of these books to give to friends and family. It has to be up there in my 10 ten list of books to read.